FACEBOOK

To say that I didn’t see it coming would be a flat out lie. My joining of the Facebook was as inevitable as Anakin's betrayal, Nixon's resignation, and Enrique's Mole Removal. Facebook is just the tip of the iceberg, my slow slip into the world of generic has been an unstoppable force the past few years.

I think it started in college when I decided that I was a weight lifter. The first time I picked up a dumb bell I thought I could kick ass, after my first leg press, I was Chuck Norris. Before long I was a full fledged tough guy, in a fraternity, and an avid Dispatch fan.

I can remember one night I hit rock bottom. I was playing beer pong on my frat's porch, and I was actually enjoying myself. As I looked down to pick up a filthy ping pong ball that I intended on voluntarily launching into my own beverage, I noticed something. I was wearing army cargo shorts. Here I was, a wannabe fighter/self proclaimed anti-war activist, wearing farce army fatigues. I was out of control.

I'd like to say that post college it's been different for me, but that also would be a lie. I've been known to vote for American Idol, read Page Six, and even comment on the Yankees pitching staff. Recently, I was feeling blue and I stopped into my local bar unbuttoned my shirt and ordered 2 plays of "Pour Some Sugar on Me" from the jukebox.

It gets worse, last weekend I brought a girl back to my apartment. I fucking lost it. I popped my collar, cracked open an acoustic guitar case, and played the only song I know, "Crash" by Dave Matthews Band. I belted out this jam like it was some kind of masculine sexy necessary mating ritual, yuck!

I'm working on getting better. "Generisism" is a disease. Facebook is my virtual support group. When I get that itch, that uncontrollable urge to lose my pride and self dignity by doing something horrendously unoriginal, I turn to you. You and the thousands of other facebookers around the world who get me by with their insightful quotes, wonderful inside jokes, and Hilarious photo albums. So before you commit libel via my Wall, or virtually pollute my Grafitti Wall, remember why I am here….to get pussy without talking to bitches face to face.

Zuckenberg © 2007