SORRY FOR THE DELAY!!!!!!!/ROENICK RETIRES

SORRY FOR THE DELAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the 3 of you that complained, DanielBlack.com will be updated wayyyyyy more frequently from now on!!!! I fucking promise son!!!!! Also, I am trying to make this page interactive, so don’t be shy write in, doesn’t even need to be relevant, I just want to hear what you are thinking. Start by responding to this…


ROENICK RETIRES!!!!!!

After 18 seasons, NHL hockey star Jeremy Roenick has announced his retirement from professional hockey at the age of 37. Roenick was a nine time All-Star and became the third-leading American goal-scorer in NHL history, with 495 goals. Who gives a fuck! Well, actually…I kinda do. Normally a professional athlete retiring means about as much to me as Elton John’s song about Princess Diana. However, Jeremy Roenick’s retirement is different, because….uh…um…it makes me think of stuff. Yeah! That’s it, sorry no big reason. Heres that stuff:

- NHL 94 on SEGA Genesis: That game is so “money” and more specifically, as Swingers so accurately portrays, Roenick dominates that game. The Chicago Blackhawks are the team to be in NHL 94, and its no secret why. Roenick’s wrap around is deadly. “It’s not me whose good its Roenick, he’s good.” Vince Vaughn can attribute a sliver of his success to Roenick’s ability in NHL 94.

- My hockey Jersey Collection: In 1995 I used to wear NHL jerseys all the time. Nowadays, it’s not cool to rock hockey jerseys, but in 1995 it wasn’t cool either. However, I thought they were the shit (“the shit” terrible expression). But the best part of all is that I didn’t wear them to class or to actually play hockey, no no noooo. I wore these Jerseys out on the weekend when I was going to hang out with girls. Better yet, if it was the winter I would wear a turtleneck underneath. My favorite jersey was a Blackhawks Jeremy Roenick jersey. It was an authentic replica of the jersey that Jeremy Roenick actually wore, except for one minor detail…instead of Roenick, the back of my jersey said BLACK. That’s right, I customized my Roenick jersey to wear with a turtleneck to hang out with girls. I was trying to trick 5th grade girls into thinking I was a professional hockey player. And not just any player, I wanted the ladies to think I was actually Jeremy Roenick.

Jeremy W’s Room – My dear friend Eric’s older brother, Jeremy, was a huge Jeremy Roenick/Blackhawks fan. My guess is because both of their names are Jeremy. Jeremy’s room had a Roenick poster hanging over his bed and a hockey stick signed by Roenick in the corner. More importantly, I saw my first porno in this same room with all my friends. Oddly enough the male porn star in the video looked exactly like my dad. Still to this day my friends think my dad is shadily a porn star.

GOOD LUCK TO JEREMY ROENICK ON ALL HIS FUTURE ENDEAVORS. THANKS FOR BEING A PART OF MY LIFE!

DID JEREMY ROENICK HAVE AN EFFECT ON YOUR LIFE, OR DOES HIS RETIREMENT MAKE YOU THINK OF ANYTHING!!!!!! IF SO POST A COMMENT, if not POST A COMMENT STILL!!!!!!!

KENNY G THEORIES!!! keep em comin!

YESSSS!!!! The responses keep rolling in:

Oh, God - - I've stayed at Kenny G's Malibu seaside estate so many times; I hope it wasn't me while in the throes of the act of love. You kind of lose control of your lovemaking in Kenny G's place. ~ Billy Poorten, Esq.

"Dude, the culprit is right there in the story. Maybe throwing protein bars at children is the only release Mrs. Kenny G has nowadays." ~ Anonymous

"The answers right under ur nose in any ordinary dictionary... Ken- Perception; understanding....... everything that someone with autism does not have.... Its Kenny G himself." ~ Anonymous

Genius! KEEP ON SENDING IN YOUR THEORIES!!!! I am going to send these into the Los Angeles Police Dept.

if you are confused read post below for clarification...

KENNY NEEDS YOUR HELP!

This past week one of America's top cultural icons was involved in a very tragic situation. Of course I'm referring to the extremely handsome, curly haired, mild mannered Soprano sax player, Kenneth Goerlick, better known by his unmistakable stage name Kenny G. Back in the early 90's you would be hard pressed to find a heterosexual male who lost his virginity without the aid of smooth jazz courteously of Mr. G.

On June 23, some hooligans trespassed onto Kenny G's Malibu beach side estate and decided to launch Powerbar's and Hershey Kisses off the 50ft balcony. One beach patron was injured by these harmful snacks, Brooke Porter a 9 year old girl needed 4 stitches in her head. Brooke was at the beach with her family including her 12 year old brother who suffers from Down Syndrome and Autism. Kenny G's wife covered all of the medical expenses.

These fiends are still at large, and I think its our duty to unmask the culprits of these heinous crimes. That is why I am asking any readers of this site to please write in any theories they might have on who threw these snacks at young innocent Brooke Porter via Kenny G's balcony. Send an email to dblack121@gmail.com or just post your theory directly in the comment section. I will post all entries on the main page of the site. ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT KENNY G RELATED INJURIES!

Here is what I think might of happened….

It is common knowledge that NFL quarterback Doug Flutie has an Autistic son, and is one of the top spokesmen for the cause. Mr. Flutie is such an advocate of autism, that he actually hates children who don't have Autism. I mean who makes an exclusive cereal for autistic children? Seriously! Also, there are only a handful of men who could successfully nail a target from 50 ft up, Flutie being one of them. My theory is that on June 23, 2007 Mr. Flutie threw a perfect spiral at the Porter family's only healthy child's head, with the intent of making poor little Brooke retarded. Just like his attempts at the championship, Flutie failed. Oh and also, Doug Flutie hates Kenny G.

OR

I hate to constantly mention Chuck Norris, but if his piss really is Red Bull, than he clearly wouldn’t hesitate to throw away a perfectly good PowerBar. Oh and also, Chuck Norris hates Kenny G.

OR

Anyone with the first name Ken, Kenneth, or Kenny, and whose last name begins with the letter G - C'mon this one is obvious, id be bitter too.

SEND IN YOUR THEORIES DBLACK121@GMAIL.COM or post in the comments section!!

The Prankster

Dan just can't stop pranking Jshebs...